Bad manners and a
lack of etiquette are epidemic – in business and personally. Articles all over
the Internet rant about rude service personnel, oblivious drivers, and don’t
even get me started about hog-like eating styles. Yes, we are all in a hurry
these days, but it only takes a second to say please, thank you, and excuse me.
Not to mention covering your mouth and nose when you sneeze. Or cough.
I once heard one of
my students sniping that manners were created by the elite to keep the masses
from rising in social status. He thought they were out of date and stupid. Where
they came from and how far back in time they were developed is beside the
point. Good manners show respect for others. They are a form of civil
interaction between strangers and friends. They give structure to society. And
they some have health benefits (such as not passing disease -- see sneezing and coughing above).
About 12,000 years
ago mankind grunted and threw stones at each other, then slowly we learned to
work together and then communicate. Communication allowed man to think and
develop structure. From structure grew civilization. Manners and etiquette are
rituals developed over time that makes social interaction easier and more
orderly.
Under the reign of Louis
XIV (he’s the one history calls the Sun King) there were lots of parties. He’d
have these massive dinners with many of his courtiers. Yes, these were rich
people. During that time the way to power in the government was to show up to
these parties dressed up in these big poufy dresses and floppy men’s coats –
called frock coats -- which took up a lot of room. As did the elaborate wigs
and headdresses. When everyone sat down to dinner eating got kind of messy with
all the lace and feathers and what not. Louis XIV developed a rigid system of
eating that kept elbows off the table and massive headdresses out of the
candelabras placed in the middle of the table so everyone could see what they
were eating. Because he was king and everyone was trying to get on his good
side, diners at these big parties followed his lead. Fewer people went
screaming out of the dinner party with their massive wigs on fire (yep, it
happened). These rules still make it easier to work together to get food to
everyone sharing a table without much confusion. He was a bright man (pun intended).
Rules of the road are
there for the same reason; to make traffic move more smoothly. When everyone
follows the rules and lets other people know what they are going to do on the
freeway by using their blinker, then there are less accidents, confusion, and
road rage. And when you are done using it, please turn your blinker off. If you
are merging onto the freeway, hopefully with your blinker on, you need to speed
up, NOT slow down. I could go on forever about driving stuff, but that will
have to be another post.
My pet peeve I am
leaving for last. It is what I call customer rage. I feel it every time I am ignored
or treated as if the sales associate is doing me a big favor by helping me.
Trust me, I have a closet stuffed full of clothes and a house full of
furniture. They are not doing me a favor. By purchasing merchandise in their
store I am paying their salaries so they can buy those iPhones they are
addicted to. Once upon a time I worked in the world of retail and the world of
food service. Treating customers well and remembering their tastes goes a long
way.
I have a particular
addiction to World Market. I have a favorite store. I know the managers there.
They know me. I have spent thousands of dollars in their store. I have sent
friends into their stores who would not have gone otherwise. They treat me very
well. I have a World Market that is closer to my home, but I will go out of my
way to go to my favorite one, even though I no longer work close to it, because
they have been very good to me. Their sales people are always helpful and
friendly. I have never been ignored or treated rudely in that store.
There is another
chain of stores, which will remain nameless here, where I only go when I
absolutely have to. Even when it is much cheaper. I feel like I could die in
one of these stores, and my rotting body would have to be in there a week,
before anyone would notice me. I’m not the only one who likes good old-fashioned
service. With a smile. And courtesy. And manners. Like a thank you for shopping
there. With real feeling behind the words.
Manners and etiquette
do make a difference. My student who was ranting about all these rules of
conduct being out of date and unnecessary finally decided to try some. His
comment after applying what he was taught, “you know, you are right, people
treated me different once I started saying please and thank you and doing all
that stuff you told us about. They were nice to me!” Wow, what a surprise.
Lee Rennick is a freelance
writer, former Vice-President of Marketing and past Executive Director of the
Business Education Foundation of Rutherford County, TN. She shares her
interests and knowledge about working, learning and living at http://www.sidelinemusings.com. During her ten years as the coordinator of State Farm Summer Business Camp and Youth Leadership Rutherford she made sure her students learned a few things about etiquette, which has kept her mother from rolling around in her grave.
Photos from MorgueFile: Man in suit (elsiehamilton), silverware
(priyanphoenix), thankyousign (quicksandala)
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